Driving in Italy

The first time I drove in Rome I started crying.  It was on the GRA, Rome's ring road, with a speed limit of around (I say around because the speed limit, like most things Italian, are negotiable) 75 miles per hour.  The problem is not so much the speed in and of itself, which for me in and of itself is a problem, but add in motorcyles and mopeds zigzagging in front of you and behind you and on the right, on the left, squeezing in little spaces at rocket speeds and at the last second changing their minds.  Plus you have cars also zigzagging in front of you and behind you and on the right, on the left, squeezing in little spaces at rocket speeds and at the last second changing their minds.  Combine this with everyone talking on their cell phones, with their hands in the air engaged in some intense conversation, usually involving yelling, with kids squirming in the back seats without seat belts or car seats, and throw in a few taxi cabs who are in the left lane who drive faster than the speed of light.  On most days traffic will be blocked up due to someone who had zigzagged into another zigzagger, and so add in a few ambulances, a few firetrucks (more on Italian firemen later) and policemen, and that my friends is Italian driving 101.
Now I haven't seen all of the world in my life yet, and I've been told that there are other places that equal or surpass the intensity of the Italian roads.  Please please tell me so I will know not to go to these places.

Back in the US, I'm in shock, I'm practically falling asleep at the wheel.  People here (and for some reason I really don't remember this, but it could be my 8 years of fast living in Italy) drive soooooo slow, and combine that with my new automatic car, I'm going to have to start drinking some high caffinated drinks in order to make it to my destinations.  I guess though if I have to choose behind zigzagging in Italy or comatose driving here, maybe I'd choose the latter (but let me get back to you on that after I'm here for a bit longer).
After being in Italy for a few months we learn that I will have to get an Italian driver's license in order to drive there.  You have one year only on a US license (same as it is if an Italian comes here, but I'll rant on about this bureacracy in a bit), and so I started studying for my Italian driver's test, in all Italian.  Yes, you might think, you said a few posts ago how much your Italian sucked.  Yes, you remember well dear reader.  But please, ask me how to tell you in Italian how much brake fluid a tractor needs, or the parts of a car, or how to report an accident (which we now know is very important), I am absolutely the most fluent speaker you will ever meet.  I passed my written test (the skills, or knowledge test here) the first time around (unusual even for Italians) and also passed my driving test too.  Little did I know that back in the US, years later, I would have to get a learner's permit (remember being 16?) and start all over again.  More on that, later.